Kicked in the 'nads, once again

This season of American Idol has pretty much sucked. First, the ONLY guy I wanted to make it through to the final round (Kyle Ensley) was the last one eliminated in Hollywood and they sent that Colton guy through who sucked and was first eliminated in the final round. "Oklahoma" as I called him--he wanted to be the Governor of Oklahoma some day--was honestly the most charismatic, genuine contestant in the competition. He was goofy, yes, but the kid could sing. Was he gonna win? No, but he would have done way better than anyone thought he would do; a real inspiration. He was a "real" guy; one of us, not some musically trained wannabe trying to further their already failed or stagnant music career. So, Kyle Ensley, (wherever you are) I agree with Simon that you should have made it and I hope you become the Governor of OK; you didn't need this silly TV popularity contest.



Here's Kyle on Ellen

With Kyle gone and the rest of the competition a boring foregone conclusion since that 9 or 10 y/o kid David is gonna win, I needed a reason to watch.

Enter Danny Noriega. At least I have his overly flamboyant, androgynous fashion sense and gayer than Richard Simmons entertainment to look forward to each night. Oh, that's right...he was voted off last night by America in its infinite wisdom. Way to go, America: you eliminated this year's Sanjaya way too early and now the fun-factor of Idol has been reduced to a 1 out of 10.

So, Idol kicks me in the family jewels once again. Now that's pitchy, dog.

Randy Jackson is MY American Idol

Let's talk about "The Dawg" Randy Jackson. Randy rocks. From his over-the-top "YEAH! You're going to Hollywood, baby!!" to his favorite descriptor "pitchy" he just rocks. Oh and you're guaranteed to have him name drop once every few episodes about how he played bass for Journey or some other chart-topper. Whatever. He's a talented musician, he deserves to name drop simply because he played with Journey and that's my final answer.

But what I really love about The Dawg was presented to me last night, clear as a bell.

His eyes.

Look at this photo (I recommend clicking for full-size)

Gaze deeply into my eyes...

How about the size of those eyeballs? I told Katie that Randy's eyes look huge behind those glasses because he probably wears magnifying glass-like lenses like Professor Trelawney in the Harry Potter films for dramatic effect.


You're going to Hollywood, Mr. Potter!

I dont think I've seen The Dawg with his glasses off but if I ever do, I'm imagining that his eyes will be awfully small. Maybe cross-eyed...you never know.

OH! And if I ever need to have bad news about my health delivered to me, I want The Dawg to deliver it. Skip ahead to 3:59.

If you're not willing to watch a mediocre at best performance of Rescue Me, Randy says--very matter of factly, sounding somewhat stoned--to Simon "she's got the bronchitis, dude..." as the excuse for the lackluster performance. Imagine going to the hospital and The Dawg walking into the room and saying, "You've got the goiter, dude..." I mean, I could take the news if it were delivered like that. Talk about great bedside manner!