Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Hierarchy of cereals, part 1

I enjoyed my hierarchy of ice post last week and I'm making the executive decision to make this a regular feature of this blog. So, let's tackle a product that is near and dear to my heart: cereal.

I LOVE cereal. I currently have 12 boxes of cereal in my pantry and seem to collect them like baseball cards. From sweet and sugary cereals that are pumped up with vitamins and minerals (cuz they naturally contain no nutrition, whatsoever) to the uber-healthy cereals I thought were punishment as a kid and now cherish, is there anything better than a good bowl of cereal with ice cold milk? I think not.

For your viewing pleasure, here's a list of cereals from Wikipedia that appears to include all the cereals that have ever been sold in supermarkets, sans the generic knock-off brands from Safeway, Vons, etc. That's a lot of cereal, Uncle Al!!

I have to limit this list to 10, otherwise I could go on forever. Trust me. Part 1 will deal with cereals 10 - 6, part 2 with cereals 5 - 2 and the final post will reveal the ultimate cereal. If you know my breakfast trends, there should be no surprise.

So, without any further rambling, here we go...

#10: Grape Nuts
This is probably an unpopular pick with the masses. It's healthy, low in flavor and looks like rocks and tastes like rocks. Ah, but I can fix that! I put 2 packets of Splenda in the bowl and life is good, trust me. Why they call it "Grape Nuts" I'll never know as there are neither grapes, nor nuts found on the ingredient list. If you're into yogurt and cereal, this might be a good choice but probably not the best choice as you might wonder why there are rocks in your yogurt. On second thought, scratch the Grape nuts and yogurt.



#9: Life
Mikey likes it! Guess what? So does Bryan! Sweet, healthy (sort of) and delicious. The cinnamon variety isn't my bag, but to each their own. You have to eat this one quickly as the little shapes soak up milk quickly and become rather soggy before you know it. Once they're too soggy, I'm out; Bryan don't play that. I'm a big fan of the large crystals of sugar trapped inside the little Life squares. I'm eager to break those sweet carbohydrates out of their woven whole grain oat prisons, any time!



#8: C.W Post
This cereal is probably unknown to anyone younger than myself or anyone that isn't/wasn't into granola. This now defunct cereal (discontinued in 1994) was probably pulled from shelves due to being 100% unhealthy, but damn was it good. The milk would get this weird granola/oil slick on top of it and tasted incredible; sweet as honey. There are other imitators out there that are good, but nothing will beat C.W. Post, God rest it's soul.

#7: Corn Pops
A hit or miss cereal. Either you love this cereal, or you're giving your bowl to me because you can't stand it. Scooping up a huge mouthful of this sweet corn treat and jamming it into your mouth and feeling the slimy, sugary puffs of corn crush between your teeth is a real joy. This is also a fairly resilient cereal and can be left unattended longer than other cereals whose shape is not sealed, unlike each little Corn Pop. As a kid, this was the cereal my mom would buy me as a treat after eating countless boxes of Chex or other healthy cereals for weeks on end. Corn Pops will always have a place in my pantry.



#6: Trix
Trix are the only fruity cereal you'll see in this hierarchy, and for good reason: fruit cereals are weird...except Trix...which is only sort of weird. Trix embodies all the positive attributes of a quality, fruity cereal. Sweet fruit flavor, corn-based, great mascot and just the right amount of man-made pigment to tint your milk a lovely bluish hue. I have a beef with Trix, though. I like the cereal the way it used to be, without all the messed up shapes and flavors. Keep it simple, General Mills. I prefer the little fruity orbs over the gross representations of the various fruits, for consistent crunching in the mouth and easy identification. Cereal designers take note: grapes do not look like that and what the hell is that flower looking thing?

Next post: #'s 5 - 2...

3 comments:

Craig Johnson said...

CW POST was the bomb!

missurtudballs said...

none of that stuff's healthy, it's processed junk!

eat an apple.


(aw, c.w. post.. i remember that cereal... they took my cereal away from me dammit!)

Disco said...

Where did you get your image for the C.W. Post Cereal? We're looking desperately for a larger sized image for the Cereal Project - where we're tracking down every single cereal ever made. So far we have over 1200.

Check it out at CerealProject.com

Thanks!
Mr Breakfast