So, tomorrow I'm leaving California. I'm putting all my stuff in storage and driving North with clothes and my computers (so I can work/trade) and a whole lotta eagerness to start a new chapter in my life both personally and professionally. Right now it's not a permanent move but I also know it's not a guarantee that I'll be moving back to SoCal. I'll spend the next few months unwinding and spending some quality time with my family who I've been away from for 15 years now and just figuring out where I want to hang my hat. I'm lucky in this regard as I can be anywhere in the world doing my job so I truly can follow my heart and be anywhere and everywhere I want or need to be.
Through my efforts in trading I've arrived on the stage and been handed the metaphorical diploma that states that I've become a trading samurai and it's time for me to unleash that knowledge and skill in the markets and really see what this thing can do, not just trade sporadically or when I feel like it as I do now. I liken the last 2 years of my life to becoming a fighter pilot who 2 years ago knew only the basic concepts of flight (you need lift, propulsion, and some other stuff, right?) and now has the knowledge and the skill to fly the most technologically advanced and effective aircraft ever created; a knowledge and skill that's only been bestowed upon less than 200 others. Really cool shit...
Personally? Well, this is maybe just as exciting a time as it is professionally; possibly more so. The last month or so has been spent focusing on ME and my desires, my wants, my needs and re-discovering the "real" me that's always been inside and I've shared a great deal of with the world...but always held back in some way. Maybe it was because I was afraid of what others might think, I sacrificed my needs/desires or aspects of my personality to make others happy or I was just too scared to really put myself out there. Well, those days are gone. I've been living my life recently, being myself and it feels great.
Maybe what's more exciting is what living my life and sending all this crazy energy and intentions out there has given me. Friends I'd lost track of have found me, I'm in great shape, I'm eating healthy, strangers laugh at my jokes, I get good parking spots, the lines are shorter at In-n-Out; the important stuff. Basically, I'm getting back what I'm putting out there and that's A LOT.
There's this energy that's flowing through me right now that's hard to explain. Most nights, I'm sleeping about 3-4 hours yet I wake up at 5:30 to start making the donuts and I'm wired; I can't spend the energy fast enough to wear me out. Not that it's really a bad thing, mind you. I've been working out a ton, doing more yoga, running, surfing and whatever activities I can find that are better uses of my time than sitting around doing nothing. As a result I'm in the best shape of my life. I never would have thought at 33 I'd be stronger and in better shape than I was when I was throwing trash for my Dad every summer through HS and college. I ran 10 miles the other day and my previous best was maybe 5-6 with breaks thrown in to save me from collapse; usually it's 1.5. I repeated the feat, but faster, 2 days later. My next goal is to try a 1/2 marathon; why not. Last week I logged over 30 miles which probably was my total for the last 2 months. I'm writing a lot, I'm connecting with people, I'm listening to music constantly--some new, some old--, I'm inspired, excited and just going with the flow; doing what feels right and what I want. I'm not forcing anything; I'm just being me and putting my trust out there that what happens, happens, be it good or bad. I'm accepting of my faults, my shortcomings and can laugh at myself and just be OK with being who I am, whoever that is. Shit, gang, it feels incredible and I'm really stoked to be me.
Basically, right now, this is a pretty incredible time to know me. If you don't know me I encourage you to do what you can to learn more; it's not boring, that's for sure. I think if I could take a version of myself and put it in a time capsule or something I'd take the version that's writing this blog entry. It's really gratifying and exciting to know that I'm hitting my stride in so many ways and that each day gets better and there's so much out there for me right now.
So you'll see a lot on here from me over the next few months I'm in Seattle as I attempt to document my life and my journey as best I can and share all this excitement that is my life; the life I want.
I'll see ya in Seattle...
Bryan, bmills, Killah B, Bry, B, Mills, Buzz or whatever else you may call me